Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize