They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Found the puke drawer
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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