He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
