I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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