do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize