that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
