I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
