I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
