hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
