Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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