I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
