Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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