I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Randomize
