im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
