When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize