Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
My Higher Power is John Stamos
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize