Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
