is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
