there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize