Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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