I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
