At least make sure they are 18
Why
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Randomize
