she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Someone signed my nipple.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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