Yo dont text me then not text me
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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