Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
