imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
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