3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
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