she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
