Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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