We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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