so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
