If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Randomize
