He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
