turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
