Well douche your snatch and let's go!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
