writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
