It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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