Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
