Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
