Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
