I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
