Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
PS: I just woke up from my shower
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
