Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
