All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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