ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
