She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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