please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
