We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
You pole danced in your parka.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
