mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
