A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
