for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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