I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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