It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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