too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
