I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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