she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
