I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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