I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize