shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm sobbing to NWA
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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