What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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