I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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