I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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