I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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