I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
