i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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