Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
