i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize