You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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