i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
